A Boring Day With Not-So-Boring Children

So, I've graduated (Yay!).  Now that it's done and over with, the excitement has gone.  Oh well.  What the fuck am I going to do now?  I know what I'm going to do, albeit begrudgingly.  I have to go back to being a full-time housewife. *sigh*  It's only for the summer, but damn, summers seem to last forever around here!

Now, I could get a job with those shiny new degrees I've got, but, I really just want to focus on school, and Kevin thinks that's a terrific idea.  So, here I am...

The first day of the first week of no school went like this:

I got up at 7 (:40) am, to get Zoe off to school.  Then I went back to sleep found something productive to do till she got home.

Then I trolled Facebook (e.i. my mom).

After Zoe got home, we went through her papers (no homework, yay!), and she launched into one of her Zoe-isms.  My daughter is a silly one... she has a new favorite color, dolly, surprise every day.  Today, I got TWO surprises!

The first one was today's nickname.  I have called Zoe "Peanut" since she was a baby.  Her daddy calls her Lunch Box.  So, as I was talking to her, I called her by Peanut.  "Mom," she says, "Today, I will only answer to Lunch Box!"  What the hell! "What's wrong with Peanut," I ask?  "On days when I can eat everything in the whole wide world, I am Lunch Box! And, today, I am really, really HUNGRY!"  Ok, Lunch Box it is.  

The next surprise came a couple hours later.  I was sitting in the living room, reading a book.  In walks LUNCH BOX, wearing a purple skirt with a toy fireman's badge pinned to it, my graduation cap... And that was it.  I bust out laughing.  "Zoe, what in the hell are you wearing?!"  She just gave me her special Zoe grin and said, "Don't I look cute?"  I didn't take a picture of it (I should have) But, it reminded me of another special Zoe outfit

"I'm a Hula Girl!"

This one is much better than when she put on a pair of Aunt Jenn's underwear to use as a one-piece swimming suit...

The excitement doesn't stop there, though.  Oh no!  I got a bonus round!

Right before supper, it started raining.  This was one of those rains that where the sun is still shining, and if you're lucky, you can see a rainbow.  It completely dumbfounded Nicholas.

Nick: What the hell, Mom, it's raining!

Me: Yes, Nick, I see that.

Nick:  But, THE SUN IS OUT!

Me: Yup, it will do that every now and then...

Nick:  IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO RAIN WHEN THE SUN IS SHINING!

I know I used this earlier on FB, but it's funny, damn it!

Amongst all this, I also managed to bleach the dish rack (and my shirt), fix supper, clean the sink, wash the dishes, and wash two loads of laundry. Not to shabby, (though it makes for a pretty boring blog post ). 

I wonder what material my children will provide  for my next post...

Alicia :-)

PS - Is it wrong of me to have envisioned a 21 year old Zoe in a girly fireman's costume, dancing around a poll?  *shudder*

Graduirthday and Wookies!

Happy Graduirth Day to me!

I have started to write a new entry twice now, TWICE, to no avail!  Every time I sit down to do so, I get distrac...  See, I got distracted just now.  I spent the last few minutes creating the image for this post, instead of waiting until I was finished.  I'm as bad as a... Oh, look, SHINY!  See what I mean?!

Enough!  

So, my birthday is coming up (34, in case you were wondering), as is graduation.  No big plans for either, though, I'm super excited to be graduating.  Phi Theta Kappa honors, Baby!  Woot woot!!  I'm starting my bachelor's program in the fall.  I've decided to go into Healthcare Management, to become an administrator.  I'll be damned good at it, too.  I don't know a bitch as bossy as me!!!

I'm trying to decide if I want to work while I'm finishing my degree.  It's been kind of nice just concentrating on the kids and school, but I'm getting bored just sitting around, and I feel that the summer is going to be a long one...  A little extra money never hurts, either!

 Well, I think I'm done.  Before I go, I gotta show you a shirt that I ordered!

Who wouldn't love a wookie?

I can't wait for it to come in!!!

TTFN
Alicia :-)

Long Over-due Update

I've been a bad, bad girl.

Ok, maybe not really bad; more like lazy.  I have not made a post in MONTHS.  I've really wanted to, but, damn it, Kondike (Facebook game, if ya haven't heard of it), is extremely demanding... lol

In case you haven't noticed, I've moved.  I didn't get a new home... I found a new blog home.  I think I'm going to like Blogger.  It seems to be a bit more user-friendly.  I've moved all my old posts over, too. 

So, the past few months have gone alright. I finished up fall semester in good shape; made the CEO's list again (yay!)  Christmas and New Years have came and went.  The kids are good, hubby's good, old girl is good... We're all good!  I start Spring Semester on Jan. 12, and graduate in May.  Wooo hooo!

I do have to say, though, Nicholas, OMG, with, what I like to call, the teenaged angst.  SHIT!  It's like he has multiple personalities!  One minute he all smiley and farting rainbows, and then the next thing ya know he goes all Regan on me.  No pea soup yet, though!  But, seriously, SHIT!  And, when my step-daughter is over, who will be 15 this month, and she's in one of HER moods, oh hell, I just want to find a rock... and throw it at one of them.  (heh heh, not really...)  The last couple of times they were both like that, Kevin was at work.  The fucker practically SKIPPED out the door, saying, "have a nice day, honey!", as he left.

So, Kaytlin's birthday is this Saturday.  I'm doing ok, getting through my days.  It's always at the back of my mind, though.  I've gotta find something to do Saturday, to keep myself busy.

I'm going to keep this one short, but, I have to tell you a funny... After I uploaded the picture for this post, Zoe (my 6 y.o.) asked, "Mommy, what is that man doing to her?"  I told her that he was spanking her.  "But, why", she asked in her innocent little voice.  "Well, honey, I suppose she's been a very bad girl," says I, all the while trying not to laugh... "But, when is he going to stop??!!"  I don't remember what I said after that.  I was to busy laughing!

Take care!
Alicia :-)

What a Crazy Month! - originally posted Sept. 28, 2014

This month has been full of change; most of it has been for the better, but, there have been a few stupid mistakes.

I went back to my previous place of employment.  This was the WORST mistake I ever made.  Considering that I had been removed from the chaos, I was not prepared for the Insanity that lay within; and boy, let me tell you, it was crazy.  I think if I hadn't been removed from it for so long, it wouldn't have been so bad, but, damn, I thought it was hell before... In the ONE MONTH that I was there, I pulled a muscle in my neck, and had a panic attack that was bad enough my co-workers thought I was stroking out.  They sent me to ER. 

All my tests turned out fine, and the doc said that it was, indeed, a panic attack with hyperventilation.  I've had this before, but never went to have it checked out while it was occuring.  I can not dispute what the ER doc said, because I have thought back to all the other times this has occurred, and the events that have led up to them, and I believe she's right. My mother, god love her, disagrees, and wants me to have it looked into further.  I will, with my health care provider, but, I still think that ER doctor hit the nail on the head.

Anyway, this past Friday, I was supposed to go to work.  My chest was tight, and my anxiety level was rising with each passing hour.  When your job make you feel this bad, you know there is a problem.  Kevin thought so, too, and after some prodding from him, I decided to through in the towel.  Thanks, honey!

If you worked with me, and you read my blog, please don't be mad at me.  I was of no use to you as a pissed off, grouchy bitch, who did NOT want to be there.  That line of work isn't my thing anymore.

Going back to work also put me behind in school abit.  I'm not in the danger zone, but, I don't like where I'm at.  This place won't get me on the CEO's list, and that's what I'm shooting for these last 2 semesters.

Speaking of Kevin, he started a new job.  He LOVES it.  I'm so happy.  He told the people at his old job to find someone else to be the bitch, because he quit.  He was miserable there, and they sucked.  He's been so much happier.

Mom is getting ready to start a new job, as well.  I think that maybe she's afraid she won't hear from the lady she's supposed to work for, but, I think it will work out in the end.  The lady just lost her husband, and I think she just needs to get her barings straight.

Zoe lost another tooth!  That's 2 teeth in about 2 weeks.  :-(

Nicholas is relishing in being a teen.  He has this crazy notion that being a teenager gives him a new set of rules.  Sorry to disappoint, buddy.  Mom's still a bitch, and you're still a kid. 

Now that we've gone through all these changes unscathed, I thinks it's time for me to get back on that horse.  I've got to start up my weight loss again, and I have to get my house back in order!  The craziness that I had to deal with made me appreciate what I had before.  My life might have been a bit ho-hum, but, now I know that boring is ok, so long as it's helping you to meet the goals you find important. 

I'm ready for Halloween!  Bring it on, October!

A Love So Strong - originally posted Sept. 8, 2014

 

 

Nicholas,

I can't believe in just 2 weeks you will be turing 13.  As eager as you are to become a teenager, I'm not ready.  I miss the sweet baby boy I held in my arms, watching you learn to crawl, to walk, to talk. 

I am so fortunate that you are mine, that I have have been able to raise you into the wonderful boy you have become.  I know that as you take your first steps into manhood, your independence will grow by leaps and bounds, but, I hope that you will still allow me to be there for you as much as I am now.  I don't want to miss a second.

Everyday that I see you with your little sister, I am so proud of the big brother you are.  It comes so naturally to you, and I'm glad that we were given a second chance.

Your heart is so big, my son.  I know that in the future, it will be broken, you will find true love, and you will learn about that special love that only a parent can have for their child.  I want to be there for every step.

Zoe,

Your name means Life, and I picked it for you before you were even growing inside of me.  I knew that someday, I would be given the chance to love another precious baby girl, and here you are, about to turn 6. 

You are such a beautiful, smart little girl.  I am amazed everyday by the things you say, the ideas you come up with.  Sometimes I wonder how such a small body can hold such a big personality.

You've given me alot to adjust to this past month; starting kindergarten, losing your first tooth.  You know that I'm sad to see you grow up, and I melt inside each time you put your little hand to my cheek and say, "Mommy, I have to grow up, but, I'm still right here."

I love to listen to you play. Your imagination is a thing of beauty.  Don't ever lose it, and don't ever let anyone tell you to stop dreaming.

To you both,

You are so much like me, at times it's terrifying, yet I want you to hold on to that fierce independence, your crazy sense of humor, and extreme determination. Just don't forget what's most important, and don't be afraid to ask for help.

I have a love for you both that is so strong, it's sometimes the only thing that keeps me going.  The smile on each of your faces has cleared away many clouds.  Everyday, I love you more.

I wish I could slow time, so neither of you would grow up as fast as you are.  Since that's not going to happen, please remember that Mom will always be here for hugs and kisses, and I'll always try my best to make it all better.

Happy birthday, my babies.

Love,

Mom

A Voice In the Dark - originally posted Aug. 15, 2014

A terrible thing happened this week.  It has inspired this blog entry.

For the last 4 weeks or so, I have been trying to pick myself up off of the ground.  I had become so overwhelmed that I couldn't take it anymore; I turned inside myself and started shutting people out.  I've been there before, and much farther.  This time, I realized what was going on, what I was doing, and sought help.  I talked to my healthcare provider, and went back on anti-depressants.  I hate them.

The meds aren't bad; it's that I had to start taking them again.  I had gone for over a year without them.  I don't like that I have to depend on medicine just to get out of bed, (there are times when, if it weren't for those meds, I wouldn't).  But, to be honest, I should have started taking them long before, and I'm sure I'm going to have to have them adjusted, because I'm not quite to par, yet.

I'm sure by now, you have figured out what it is that has inspired me to write on such a sobering topic.  Robin Williams' death has had a major impact on me.  I feel his pain; I know his pain.  Regardless of the source, the heartache that one feels EVERDAY because of depression is the same for every person who lives with it.

There are some who wonder what someone famous could be depressed about.  I say do not judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.  I would bet that you would want your shoes back before you were a quarter of the way through. 

I have seen some comments about going to hell for committing suicide.  I ask the people making those comments: Do you know what hell even is?  Hell is being alone, empty, a shell of yourself.  Hell is putting a smile on your face, or making someone laugh, while you're dying inside.  It's pushing through a day, pretending that nothing is wrong.  It's crying until you can't cry anymore.  Hell kicks the shit out of you when you're down, and then kicks you again when you're trying to get back up.  Hell is burying your child, trying to hide an abuse, keeping your private life private; everyone has their own special version. Hell is on Earth.  I am still living in my hell.  It's getting better; the days are a little brighter, and I'm learning to kick back.  I think Robin Williams just got so tired of being kicked.  I understand.

His death has opened the country's eyes to a dark, ugly illness.  It is so very sad that it takes something like this, the loss of life, to make people see.  But, now that they do, it's time to stop being so quiet.  Ignoring depression won't make it go away, and I'm tired of feeling alone.

I dedicate this post to Robin Williams, and to all those who have suffered with depression and grown to tired to fight anymore.  I'm here for you; I'll keep fighting.

My Mom's Balls - orignally posted July 6, 2014

My mom's FIFTY-FIRST birthday was on the 4th, and naturally, she wanted a birthday party (oh joy!)  Because she knew that I would not throw her the one she desired, she decided to give herself one. 

Before I continue, I think I should clarify on my thing with birthday parties: I think by now, if you have read any of my other entries, you can safely assume that I come from a family who's attitude is as big as its population.  That's usually a good thing; we don't put up with bullshit, we stand up for each other, and if your backbone is composed of jell-o and candy cigarettes, we will eat you alive.  I'm speaking mostly of the women in my family, myself included.  Most of our men are smart enough to stay the hell out of the way.  Our wrath is MIGHTY!  lol  However, because we all have such strong personalities, and such loud mouths, drama has the tendency to stick it's nasty little nose in.  Because of Drama, that little punk-assed bitch, I have become a Party Nazi.  After the last few horrid get-togethers that were held at my house, I have decided that although I will be more than happy to attend anyone else's family gathering, I will not be having my own.  (I am contemplating have a party for the kid's birthdays, but, that's still up in the air)

SO, with that out of the way, I'll get back to the main topic....

Ok, Mom wanted to have her party at one of our local parks, on the 5th, and she wanted to invite the family.  Cool, whatever, Mom.  And, she wanted to have cake, chocolate dipped marshmallows, and cakeballs.  Alrighty...  My aunt volunteered to provided the cake. Check.  Mom wanted to do the marshmallows. Check.  Oh, and guess who could do the cakeballs?  Che... uh, wait a minute!  The conversation went like this:

Mom, "Heather said she wanted to do the cake."

Me, "Ok, that's good."

Mom, "So, I thought we could make chocolate-dipped marshmallows and cakeballs."

Me, "Ok, Mom, it's your party.  If that's what you want."

Mom, "So, how 'bout if I do the marshmallows, and you make the cakeballs?"

Me, "WHAT? You want ME to make the cakeballs?!"

Mom, "Well, if you don't want to, I guess you could to the marshmallows..."

This woman has been my mother for 33 years; I know her crafty ways.  I've no doubt I would have been the one doing those damned cakeballs no matter what.  lol

And, so, we set out over 2 weeks ago to get the stuff we would need to create our goodies.  I had PLENTY of time to make them.  But, Mom wanted me to wait until a day that she was off so we could work on them together.  That turned out to be the day OF the party.  Crazy old broad!

If Satan exists, I bet his nutsack is made of cakeballs.  Those fucking things are a pain in the ass to make.  I believe I told my friend, April, that they are evil!  I had melting chocolate all over the place.  At one point, Zoe decided that she was going to help me, which resulted in one of my cousins finding a hair. ("But, I washed my hands, Mom!" The help was short-lived, btw...)  We had sticks to make cakePOPS, but, the sticks wouldn't stay in the balls.

When I started out, I had 47 to coat and decorate.  In the end, I think I had 30?  Maybe 35.  I was working on those stupid things until 15 minutes after the party started.  They looked like shit, but they did taste pretty good.  I had one.  The good thing was that I could polish those turds with some shimmery gel icing.  Shiny stuff makes everything look better!  HA HA!  I told everyone to eat them and not look at them. 

I guess they didn't really turn out that bad; everyone seemed to like them, as well as Mom's 'mallows.  Heather's cakes were super cute.  Her husband made them; two red M&Ms (Mom loves Red).  And, I thought Mom had an ok turn out; a couple aunts, some of our cousins (hi, Aleah!), April, and our kiddos. 

I'm still a Party Nazi, but I am glad that Mom had a good time.  And, as much as I bitched about it, if she ever asked/volunteered me to make cakeballs again, she knows that I would.

I love you, Mom.  Happy birthday.

Alicia